Nostalgia Is a Jerk

Nostalgia is my curse. I'm in a constant state of reminiscing. I'm getting better at it, but I still get attacked from time to time by the past, nagging at me to remember it. Once I succumb to remembering it, I can feel it. I hear it, smell it, taste it, and feel exactly the way I felt back then. It just happened. Let's blue ska-doo into my mind, shall we? OOohhhh blue ska-doo, we can too! BwwoooOOOOoooo!

My mind was made up before my sophomore year of high school had even begun. I'd do theyear at my new school. In 11th grade I'd be homeschooled for half the year doing a program that would get me a high school diploma before I was sixteen. As soon as possible, I'd be at Calvary Chapel Bible College in California. I'd start all over, meet new people, and find my identity out on the west coast, all the while learning more about the Bible and solidifying my faith in Jesus Christ. I couldn't wait. I had already taken the SAT's in preparation. However, I had overlooked one minor flaw in my plan.
God's plans.
I had just assumed that my plan matched His, without really asking.
It was the third quarter of the school year. I made it halfway through the year without communicating with too many people, but this quarter I had begun growing closer to people in my brother's class due to odd circumstances and AIM.
I had it all planned out. I was going to California. This year would be over soon enough and I could move on, get out of my town and start all over. This year meant nothing to me. A temporary stopover in my indirect flight to my new life. A wood between the worlds.
So there I was, laying on the grass in the wood between the worlds, doing some History homework. As I wrote my full name in cursive in the top left corner, I froze.
It's almost over.
I don't want to leave.
I ignored the thought and wrote the date on the paper.
I froze again.
I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave!
In a split second, I spazzed out. I cried and cried facedown on my bed. "God, I want to stay at this school!" I told Him. In retrospect, I think He was telling me.
I went upstairs crying and told my parents what they hadn't quite expected from me. "Mom, Dad, I really want to stay at my school."
I don't remember their reaction, but a few days later I was requesting re-enrollment forms at the front office and smiling from ear to ear. I told my 8th grade friends about my spontaneous change of heart, and they grew hopeful that I might stay to graduate. My family just plain didn't have the money to pay for me and my siblings to go back there, but they re-enrolled us anyway trusting that if it was God's will, He would provide. I wasn't sure what God's will was anymore. I thought it was California. Now I was wondering if it was this. It was a pretty black and white test. Either God opens the door for California, or He provides the money for me to stay here.
With this mindset, I finished my 10th grade year at that school. The last day of school was hard and wrought with uncertainty. I spent lots of time at my best friend Kayleigh's house that summer. We still couldn't afford for me to go back there and we still had no idea what was going to happen.
Later that summer, I was in Maine at my grandparents house (pretty much my favorite place on this earth). I called Kay every night and we talked about nothing for hours and hours. My grandma and my cousin Nick complained in the mornings that I was too sluggish and should just go to bed earlier. I said I would, but I still called Kay every night until I fell asleep on the phone or someone's battery died.
Then I got the phone call. My mom called me from home to tell me that God had provided the money. I was going back to my school.
God had shown us what He wanted, and had been gracious enough to make me want it too.
I was ecstatic out of my mind. Thank you God! Thank you God! Thannnkk youuu sooo muchhh God!!!!!!!
I ran down into my room in the basement and whipped open my Bible to Psalms, where I read chapter 66.
"Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will declare what He has done for my soul!I cried to Him with my mouth, and He was extolled with my tongue. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear.But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer.Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, nor His mercy from me!" Psalm 66:16-20
I cried all over my Bible. Then I called Kayleigh and told her the good news. Then I wrote a letter to our benefactor expressing my gratitude at length, and then I probably cried some more.

The first day of school in 11th grade was a beautiful thing for me. All the time I've spent at that school is a testimony of God's faithfulness in my life, because I had planned otherwise. God wanted me there. He changed my heart and then gave a period of uncertainty so that I'd trust Him through that circumstance. He is just so good.
Well, looks like its time to go back to the present! A-blue ska-dooooo we can tooo!!! bwooOOOoooop!!

Ah, look. We're in the present. And now I'm three months away from graduating this school. I've made the best friends of my entire life and I love them so much.
And once I graduate, I'm going to the college God showed me I'm supposed to go to.
Life is such an adventure when you trust God, but you don't ever get lost.